Posted by Nate [operations director]
Posted on 05-07-2008 under Office nonsense

So George W. Bush has decided that what our sluggish economy really needs is for nearly everyone to get thrown a couple monetary bones to spend on ‘stuff’. This is intended to drive our economy as people are encouraged to go out and spend the $300 or $600 or whatever it is, on commercial products you don’t need. In honor of the bountiful sum that most of us are about to receive, I’ve listed 7 items that you, the mid to late-twenties male such as myself, might be tempted to blow all your hard earned government monies on, but shouldn’t.

1) Video Game Consoles

I’ve head this from a number of friends that when that treasury check is added to your bank account, a brand new PS3, Xbox 360 or Wii will find its way into your closet-sized apartment. But really, if you’re intent to take the next-gen system plunge, wait until the holiday’s when they’re expected to be cheaper. Your low-res PS2 and DS will do for now.

2) New Computer

Assuming your current laptop or PC are still in working order, I think you can hold out on handing over your entire tax rebate check to Best Buy or Dell. Everyone thinks they need the newest, fanciest computer around because some braggart on some blog praised their new E-Machine. Leave the 32″HD monitor and Intel quad-core platinum centrino processor to those with practical reasons to use them.

3) New iPod/iPhone

Similar to the computer issue. How is spending your check on one of these Apple money printers enhancing your life? By being able to listen to Maroon 5 and Mariah Carey back to back while you power walk after work? Please. How about you instead think hard how our country got entrenched into this downward spiral economy and let that anger spur you on your workout.

4) New Clothes

Here’s the deal. If you have a girlfriend, you don’t need new clothes. If you have a wife, you don’t need new clothes. If you have neither, you don’t need new clothes. Women like dirty guys anyways. You’re better off going out to a bar with torn jeans and a pit-stained white shirt with grease and snot on the front of it. Target and American Eagle don’t need your tax rebate check so don’t fork it over to em’.

5) Car Pimping

You find that after depositing that sweet, sweet check into your account that your car could really use a new muffler. Or Body kit. Or rims. Then you realize that you’re a dolt who just blew your W approved check on useless car crap that in no way assists with the way your vehicle normally operates. Life is simple. Don’t bother with the excess.

6) Action Figures

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be tempted to nerd out on some amazing new action figures like the ones shown above. But that would be a mistake. Your room is cluttered enough as it is and adding yet another Halo or Spawn figurine isn’t helping the situation. And don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ll buy a $350 sideshow collectible in hopes that it will appreciate in time, thus turning your obsession into an investment. We both know that’s not why you bought it. Save your cash for when you have a proper job position to support your habit.

7) Exercise Equipment

Please, let’s talk reality here. You’ll buy your expensive BowFlex or mechanized ab cruncher and use it for a week for actual exercise and then use it as a dirty clothes depository for the duration of its existence. You might as well blow your check on a gold encrusted laundry basket for all the good it will do you. Just don’t even think about this one.

So what should you use your government issued tax rebate checks for? Well, I’m not your mother and I don’t know your exact financial situation but I might try depositing that check into a high yield (or as high as you can find these days) interest income account. Or use it for the crazy rise in food or gas prices. Pay down your credit card or school loans. Maybe put that money into stocks. Point is, the check you’re about to receive should be put to practical use, and everything listed above is clearly in the ‘want’ and not ‘need’ category. Be smart and either invest that cash or spend it on something you need, not on something you want. You’ll thank yourself later.

Better yet, just take that check and bet it all on black in Vegas and see what happens.